Beautiful Ugly Duck

I’ve been sick the past few days. It’s been so bad that for a while I doubted if I would ever recover.
The last two days were the worst, especially with people visiting to check on my health and all I could get out of my throat was a *cough*. I’m feeling a lot better today, so hopefully my body has started responding to the antibiotics and is not wasting away (which is a little far-fetched) because judging by my girth, it’s likely that I’m doing just the opposite.

I don’t know what’s wrong with my body, but I never lose weight when I’m sick. Infact, I get so bloated when I’m sick that I suspect myself of somnambulist bingeing.

But, I digress. The point is this morning I woke up and felt better. The cough had lessened to a dry hack (so much more enjoyable than a wet one), the fever was nothing more than a raging headache and intermittent chills, the nausea only manifested itself when I thought about excessively disgusting activities like eating. My legs still felt like noodles though. I peeked at the mirror to get a closer look and a face with a disturbing resemblance to Quasimodo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) stared back at me.

Feeling cheerful about my progress, I stumbled through the shower, made a few half-hearted passes with a comb at my mangled hair and brushed a couple of teeth. Although I have an excellent personality, in the real-world sense, I’m Cinderella before the fairy godmother, Elphaba before Glinda, the lovely Anne Hathaway before Disney. I am a woman awash with possibilities, simply waiting for the right person to come along, take over my wardrobe and grooming, and set me on the path toward elegance and beauty. Ma was that person!

We had a puja to perform at the temple today. Ma pulled out this beautiful baby blue sari with matching earrings and bangles for me to wear. After I was all dressed up, I went to show dad how I looked. The saree had transformed the Quasimdo into a swan. Yes, make-up and clothes can do wonders! I felt dad’s eyes moisten as he kissed me on the forehead and said, “our doll looks like a princess. We’ll miss you so much beta.” I will too miss them so so much.

I may look like the proverbial ugly duckling transformed into a beautiful swan but I am still a princess in my own l'le kingdom.

Insomnia and a head full of way too many things..

I canNOT sleep, my mind's too full of thoughts. That's what you get for not wearing yourself out all day so that you're dead tired by the end of it that all you want to do is go to sleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. Now is so not the time to start thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong, the possibilities for disaster are endless, and my imagination is tireless.

Today was a near perfect day. Its been raining like rain all week long and today was the first COMPLETELY CLEAR BLUE SKIES, A SMILING SUN AND WHITE CLOUDS day. Too bad that I had to spend it in bed. I am one sick moose! I have this yucky cold that has turned into a yuckier cough. OMG! I feel horrible! I have almost no voice at all. My throat hurts so bad it feels like someone jammed a couple of knives in there. It hurts to talk, breath, swallow, cough (which I do a lot these last couple of days). I have had this stupid thing for almost a week and seem to be getting worse instead of better. The past week I have been offwork.

I like to think that I am a fairly independent person. So it is hard for me to admit that I need people. But when I came down with the flu, I was feeling completely outta sorts (I was also in a mild depression because of the recent happenings in my life). I sobbed like a baby and told ma that I needed my mom and she should not to leave me even for a second. I am XXX years old... and I can do a lot of things for myself but sometimes I just need my mom. Ma's scrumptious tomato and basil soup and loving attention worked like magic.

God bless RM for lending me The Sisters Grimm: The fairytale detective to keep me company. Well, I know the book is meant for kids aged 9-12 but so what! I am still young at heart and totally love fairy tales. Sabrina and Daphne, who have been sent to live with their mysterious grandmother, Relda Grimm. From their first day in Ferryport Landing, the sisters begin to unravel a mystery that reveals a family secret. Snow White, the Three Little Pigs, the Big Bad Wolf are all alive and now neighbors of Granny Relda in this community of Everafters. But life is not a fairy tale in Ferryport Landing. Someone has set a giant loose on the town, and it's up to the Sisters Grimm to stop the giant and find the Everafter behind its murderous rampage. Crazy adventures ensue when "grandmother is kidnapped by a giant, and some police officers turn out to be the Three Little Pigs." Great read!

I did sneak into work on Monday only to be sent home at the INSISTENCE of the pointy-haired boss and several of my coworkers. Seems my "husky" voice on the phone (and of course the sneezing) was a dead giveaway as to how sick I really am. I made it half a day on Tuesday and the entire day on Wednesday, had to work pretty hard at convincing the boss that I was ok to be there. Managed to dodge several co-workers who wanted to "feel my forehead" to see if I still had a fever. Well meaning people, gotta love em!

Another thing running through my mind is a friend of mine who is facing a pretty bad medical crisis.. I am worried about him and his wife. He is a very private kind of person but I can see the worry on his face. Really bothers me alot, really wish there was something I can do! Hopefully they both know I am there for them if they need anything!!

Another 2 hours before day break. Lemme try to get some sleep.

The new love in my life

Isn't he totally adorable? Look at those soulful eyes and cute face... Help! I am falling in love!!

The newest addition to our family. Custard! Sunshine! We are still in the process of christening (naming) him.

This and That

I'm a sunshine person. The stronger the sun shines, the happier I am. Its been raining like a tropical rain forest for the last two days here and my gloom has returned.

Office is starting to feel like work after a long time. For two days straight, I've put 13 hour days, and it's likely to get worse. Some people ask for responsibility, others have responsibility thrust upon them (to misquote someone) but I am lovin it (McDonald eStyle!)

Met PS for lunch today. Gorged on Pizzas, Coffee, sinfully delicious DBC (death-by-chocolate), Pink Floyd and a whole lot of girl talk... Whole lot includes men in our lives, women in our lives, clothes in our closets, food in our refrigerator, plants in our garden, you get the point... anything and everything.

I was taken aback when she suddenly asked me if something was wrong with me. I looked a little pale and ill to her. “Naah- just the usual job pressure and lack of proper sleep”, I tried to sound convincing, gesturing towards the dark circles that have developed of late under my eyes. But she is one person who understands me inside out and didn't sound look too convinced. Thankfully, she didn't prod and push me much this time.

On a lighter note, post lunch walk to the post office and I see this kid wearing a t-shirt that said
How to make God Laugh?
Tell him your plans.
How true!

I got a rather belated b'day present from my little bro in the form of Motorola V3 Razr (Limited edition in Black). Since time immemorial, I have been a loyal Nokia user. Too lazy to re-learn the sms keys of another brand, I always turned my back on other brands and always chose good ole Nokia. Not this time! I fell in love with the sleek MotoRazr the minute I saw it. Designed as the thinnest flip phone ever, this black beauty oozes style. I have to admit, though, the camera’s resolution leaves a lot to be desired but hey, I wanted a phone not a camera.

Just finished talking to Hagar the Horrible. That man catches me at the weakest of moments and I say the weirdest of things to him and it all ends with him calling me "Crazy! You are even crazier than I originally thought you to be". Our tête-à-tête broached on THE sensitive topic. I had a water-shed moment during his ruthless tongue lashing, and then the man was all apologetic. Damn! I hate crying in front of people. I feel so weak and small.

Next 10 days are going to be pure agony. I so need a tight huggie (scale 10/10). A kiss would do too!!

Its tough..

You can erase a phone number from your diary
You can erase an email address from your contacts list
You can erase a photograph from an album
But how do you erase a memory?

Busy bee has no work..

The past year has been rather hectic at work. There have been some regular posts on my being overworked and my incessant complaints about the same (though in my heart of hearts I love being a busy bee!)

I gave my lifestyle a lot of thought during my vacation and realised that there was much more I wanted to do in my life. I had promised to myself then that there would be changes I would make the moment I got back.

When I got back, things were already a little different. The last quarter of the year and with Christmas and New Years round the corner, the amount of work to be done had automatically reduced. And thus, ever since I have come back I leave for home on time. Basically, I have no work. And I hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it! It makes me lazier and more lethargic.

BP is again travelling. It’s an unlucky coincidence that most of my friends have moved out around the same time. AC is the US until Jan 2006, SP moved to M'lore a couple of months back, TK is yet to return from her Diwali vacation. So, as a result, I’m completely dependent on my parents for entertainment.

Everyday, after work, I rush back home so I can play scrabble with my parents. Yeah I know, it is not the exciting social life that a young single professional strives for. But at the same time, don’t scoff at it. It is not a game that anyone can play. And the three of us are a competitive lot. We don’t just play to win, we play to defeat. That’s right. We’re mean and dirty when we play. Especially when there’s a ‘triple word score’ at stake. There’s even some sledging that happens. Mom and I gang up against da and irritate him when he’s trying to think. Da gets hassled so easily that it is fun teasing him about how slow he is.

Sigh! I need to make some new friends.

All good things must come to an end...

My vacation's over as of tomorrow...boohoo!! Why do they always have to go by so fast? I wish I could take a permanent vacation. Oh well, these 10 days haven't been bad either. And I virtually did nothing for a change. (And it actually felt good.) I pretty much sat on my butt and vegged (but for that one day of shopping). Tomorrow.. Its back to hell with fluorescent lighting.

And to think I almost skipped this one. In fact, I went on the trip only because the tickets had already been bought and I was not very keen on going through the rigmarole of getting them cancelled. Now in the retrospect I think even procrastination has its own virtues.

Lotsa stuff happening in my life but I am not telling now. Need some time to assimilate it all. Overall, it was a great vacation. More like a family reunion. Met some of my cousins after a decade. Everyone seemed so grown-up. Lots of new additions to the family, 6 more nieces and nephews. The "Singh" Clan is growing fast!! and everyone's doing extremely well for themselves. That's a nice feeling!!

The highlight of the trip was a visit to IMA (dad's an alumnus). Indian Military Academy at Dehradoon is built on 1500 acres of land and has the charm of a rustic British colony. Picture Perfect! The academy has a rich history of transforming young men into courageous, dynamic and erudite young officers of integrity, who are to bear the brunt of battle, or hardship whilst guarding the Nation's frontiers. (quoting dad verbatim here)

IMA is near the supposed ‘Ashram’ of Guru Dronacharya of the Mahabharat era. Hence, the ceremonial gate opposite the Chetwode Building is called Dron Dwar. Kingsley and Collins Block, Tons Valley, War Memorial and the Museum and of course the Gentlemen Cadets (GCs)... It was so worth the trip!

There was a time, when I was younger, when I thought that MEN in UNIFORM had the ultimate X Factor. What the heck? I still do. Anyways.. Where was I? Me and my digression!! Yes about Men in Uniform..

I feel there was something about an all male contingent braving it out in the elements, among alpha male machinery and equipment (Guns and Tanks), bonding over drinks and backslapping, something about them that was undeniably macho and rugged, and those crew cuts, straight pants, structured life for a grander goal - defending the country - something bigger and better than cramming for some B school entrance to become a corporate yuppie.

I really liked the engraving in Chetwood Hall which sums it up nicely:
"The welfare and comfort of the country comes first, always!"
"The welfare and comfort of those you command comes next."
"The welfare and comfort of your personal self comes last."

No wonder then that Indian Army has produced people like Major Somnath Sharma, Col. Hoshiar Singh, 2/Lt. Arun Khetarpal, Capt. Vikram Batra and Lt. Manoj Pandey who valiantly laid down their lives for the country. Now thats a life well lived!!

Festivities and Fireworks

'....cause I am leaving on a jet plane, and I do know that I would be back on 8th again!'

Yuppie! I am going on a vacation. One whole week. "All set and raring to go" shall be my YM status today. Going to Delhi, Mathura and Dehradoon. Will be meeting my nephews, cousins and mausi's after eons. Its definitely going to be a fun week especially with Diwali round the corner.

I love this time of the year. I love the slight nip in the air and the unadultrated look of joy on people's faces. I love the beautiful multiple coloured lights. I love looking at people shop. I love being with my family, lighting diyas, making a rangoli and gorging on mithai. This time of the year gives me hope. It tells me that no matter how bad things are, they'll look up and that there really is someone up there who is looking out for us.

This year, I don't quite feel that way. Too many things are going wrong in the world. Too many natural calamities. Too many man-made tragedies. Too much sadness.

But a passing thought before I rush for the festivities: This Diwali try to light up someone's face instead of just lighting diyas and candles. Not a clique but really do something.

Our nation is a nation of extremes, rains on one side and desert on other, hot and humid on one end and cold & snowy on another. The the biggest divide is that of the rich and poor. Every Diwali while I shop for festivities I see people right outside the sweet shops begging to get some money. What does Diwali mean to them? On one end, I always see houses well lit up and on the end end I could witness small lamps symbolising Diwali in small huts. We spend exhorbitantly on the festivites, if we could just tone down a bit and make someone else happier it would be great. But I could very well be wrong, how can I say that someone who has money would be happier than someone who doesn't?

Again caught in a paradox! Better get back to work, before I leave on a Jet plane.... (actually Kingfisher!!)

A few days early, but Happy Diwali, everyone! :) Enjoy maadi!

Bangalore getting 'Bangalored'?!

Rains have been following me everywhere. First, Baroda and now Bangalore. It has been raining cats, dogs and every other animal in Bangalore and other parts of South India since the weekend.

Today, I was happily plonking away at my keyboard at work, while people around me ran helter-skelter and started leaving for home. Yeah, the rain outside seemed a tad on the heavier side, but I didn't think anyone needed to panic. It was just rain after all. Then came the announcements via smses by the Police Commissioner that "due to heavy rains/water logging, drain system is badly affected. Trees have also fallen. There are traffic jams on most roads. It was advisable to return / stay home." Hmmm. That seemed serious then.

But not to me! (I heard enough about it from Ma, so don't any of you start!!) I've survived heavy rain before, even floods in Baroda. This was not such a big deal. Ha! Most people seemed to just melt away. I was left alone with a couple of more colleagues. They lived close by and so they didn't worry about getting home. We finished up our work and at 6 PM, I was ready to go home. The rain seemed to have abated a bit, but water flowed all over the roads and umbrella in hand, I splashed my way through to the car park.

What follows was totally nightmarish! The drive back home was harrowing and what normally takes me around an hour took almost five hours. As it is, we in Bangalore are struggling with pathetic roads and bad traffic conditions and the incessant rains made things much, much worse. The roads were flooded with water, at some places around 3-4 feet of water. The water was so deep at one place that it actually entered my car. At other parts, the traffic just wasn't moving. Not an inch! Two hours wait at the Kormangala - Ring Road junction. The traffic cops just kept diverting traffic. At one point, I was so close home but the cops said that the road ahead had been closed and diverted me again. Another long wait in the traffic pile-up. At one point, I just wanted to abandon the car and walk home. Anyways, inched my way with the traffic and reached home at about 11:00 PM.

Ma was waiting with her danth (scoldings) and hot soup. Some warm food in the belly and I was as good as new. Well almost! It was time to catch with others. Almost everyone had a tough time getting home but were all safe. October 26th!! Will remember this experience for a long time.

Time to tuck in...

Nighty Night!

Guess! Its time

..... for an update. Ah well, it isn't as though anything overly interesting has been happening in my life that I need to update on a daily basis. Actually that’s true most of the times but the last 3 weeks have been crazy. Frankly, I don’t even remember where I had stopped but I shall just tell you all the things that I can recall.

For starters, I had been waiting to announce the exciting news about this new job for which I was interviewing with a NASDAQ listed product development company, where your chotu se S would have been the HR Director for the Asia-Pac region; with Japan, Singapore, China and India offices under her direct purview. How cool is that!! But…

The company in question took its own sweet time reverting back (after 6 grilling rounds of interview) with the offer. First, K (the HR Head) was traveling and then SD (honcho in India) was sick and blah blah and so they took almost 20 days to get back. By then, I had lost the enthusiam about the new job and also forgotten the reason why I was looking for a change in the first place. Plus for a host of other reasons, I refused the offer. Basically, I buckled under the pressure from my pointy-haired boss and R (our CEO) . Everyone knows the love-hate relation I share with Richard and also the fact that I cannot refuse him anything. So here I am, back to where I started.

AC, NG & RM were livid. They thought this was such a great opportunity to catapult my career to the next level. Imagine being Asia-Pac HR Director at the tender age of XX. But honestly, I am not really a career woman. I am more of a relationship person. The new job meant a lot of travel, leaving precious little time to spend with my family (and hence Ma was not very keen about the job either. Infact she didn’t even pray for me. I had a big fight with her on that) And I would have missed the friendship and fun I had with colleagues here in my current company. There was one positive outcome though. I got a BIG raise!

Then what else? I completed another year of existence on this planet on October 24. Spend the night partying crazily at Taika. I got so drunk that I had to be lugged back home. Woke up with a major hang-over. Stumbled till the mirror to find my face decorated with cake. BTW, there were 4 birthday cakes that night. Everyone was so excited about my b’day. Phone rang continuously and smses poured in the whole day but I was waiting for just one person to wish me. :o( He didn’t in person but did send me 2 e-cards. Tons of flowers, chocolates and presents along with a skirmish with AS (aka Hagar the Horrible) completed the day.

I have been so wrapped in myself and my misery of late that I failed to notice the effort and the pain everyone took to make my day extra special. Today as I reflect back, I feel extremely selfish. Thank you God for the wonderful friends and family you have given me! I know I complain perennially to / about you but I know deep inside that I am truly blessed.

There were so many presents; I just can't remember all of it... The best gifts weren't the material ones though. The ones I liked best were these -- the cake AC & RM sneaked into Taika, Rohit’s excited voice wishing me a very very happy birthday at the stroke of midnight, T’s bone-crushing hug, the way she and RT decorated my face with cake, PS phone call @ 2 am in the morning of the 24th to apologize for not wishing me happy birthday at the crack of midnight, Belly’s face when I opened her gifts, N's smile when she walked in to the house with the cake she made for me herself (it was dee..lish..ous, by the way!), the thought behind the Lillies sent by BP (he remembered that they were my favorite flowers), msg on the company board which said "Happy Birthday S", my brother's hug (he never hugs me otherwise), love in my ma’s eyes as woke me up with a hot cuppa chai, dad’s tender kiss on my forehead …… Can anyone ask for anything more?