My "pitara" of memorabilia

Some collect vintage cars. Some collect baseball caps. As for me, I collect memories.

There I’ve said it. I’m an unabashed sentimentalist. A nostalgia junkie, holding on to forgotten little fragments of time as though they were the Crown Jewels. ‘Get rid of this junk’, my folks have frostily told me over the years, even as I get moony-eyed every time I see:

• EVERY single birthday card I've received from the time I was 6
• A bunny rabbit cross-stiched in the Extra-Curricular Class in IX
• The Yellow color "Trishul" house batch from school
• Scrap book from school
• The chipped part of my front tooth from my face-first encounter with a stone bench.

Garden-variety stuff, it may seem. But that's just the top level of the multi-tiered Pandora's box. Burrow a little deeper and here's what you might find.

• A thick file containing all the poems and articles I have written dating back to 1992.
• A stamp collection, which I was crazy about in the 1980s and which hasn't been sorted yet.
• 8 kilos (approx) of "interesting" news articles, well-written columns, trivia, travel articles etc.,
• Leftover paints (still usable) from a college festival in 1993
• Medals and certificates from my sporting days in school and college
• Tons of photographs of me with my buddies and family right from my toddler days

And finally the whopper:

• 421 books ranging from Brothers Grimm to J. K. Rowling, Hemingway to Rushdie. The entire collection of Calvin & Hobbes and Asterix and Obelix (I can see some envious faces). Plus (pause for breath here) over 256 MAD comics!
• There was also a short-lived collection of clamshells. The shells had beautiful, intricate patterns. But the fetid stench got in the way of misty-eyed moments.

I've tried on occasion to walk the Buddhist path of detachment. Imagined myself throwing it all away. But knowing me, it would only be an invitation to start all over.

So now I've rationalized that my "accumulations" might just be THE legacy to hand down to the progeny. In the off chance that I become famous, imagine the killing they could make at the auctions.

"One paper cap from sports day in Primary School… going once… going twice…’'

It's All Right to Cry

Today was one of those days when I just lost it. I know that everything and anything that I'm dealing with is temporary, that none of it is earth-shattering or particularly bad, that I'll make it through, that I have the most supportive friends and family that anyone could ask for, the most loving sweetheart but sometimes, it all feels like too much all at once. Like I said, today was one of those days.

As Carol Hall said, Its all right to cry. Crying gets the sad out of you. Its all right to cry. It makes you feel better. I too discovered additional side but beneficial effects of crying:
* It cleaned my eyes
* It washed away all the unnecessary feelings
* It dissolved all my fears
* It steered my emotions in the right direction
* It distilled all my thoughts

Hmmm and left me feeling as good as new. Well almost! *Sigh*

The Ups and Downs of a Week

Last week has been strange, to say the least. There were the highs, like the amazing dinner we had at Paradise Island (a very generous treat from Rohit); catching up with my friend, MA at Cosmo Village (she was also sweet enough to bring along a belated xmas present. I felt like a cad, so I ended up treating her).

Then there were the lows -- my Bua (dad's sister) passed away last Saturday. I was in Chennai on a recruitment drive when I got the news in an sms message on my phone. I stared at the message hard a few times. I didn't know what to do. I was emotionless.

Shashi Bua was 68. She was legendary stuff (truly). She was larger than life in her region. Large crowds and adulation were norm to her. She faced every fathomable obstacle. A brave woman, she brought up all (her 5) children and her grandchildren by herself when Fufaji died at the age of 31. She had even fought breast cancer at the age of 62. She died fairly quickly, peacefully, and without pain, and she had lived a happy life close to her friends and family. I called home. I spoke to my folks. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to react. I was unable to emote a single teardrop.

She always treated me a little special. Used to address me as "Bitiya". I had spoken to her just five days earlier. "Take good care of yourself in the winter, eat well, drink milk everyday morning and evening, eat Badaam, fruits and green vegetables" was what she had told me, like she did every single time I spoke to her on the phone. And now suddenly she is gone. A blunt reminder of the impermanence of our material bodies. God bless her soul.

Have I changed much?

We all change over time; some mellow with age while others just get increasingly angst-ridden. But delving into a personality change is psychotic stuff and I will restrict myself to simple things you thought were important to your belief system once.

Admittedly all change is good and if we refuse the gradual changes in our perspective, we let ourselves fall into a rot. I want to simply list the few things that have changed for me:

Earlier I judged people harshly who drank alcohol in any form, often extrapolating their fondness for alcohol as perversity of character. Now I understand that, as long as you are not a hardened alcoholics and most importantly can handle their drinks, it is fine to have some in social situations. Heck, my college mates will not believe it if they find out that I sip an occassional mocktail now.

Earlier, I sincerely believed that you fall in love only once and should be involved in a relationship only if you wish to marry that person. A recent experience has taught me that things aren’t that straight forward. Sometimes one does not get the things you wish for; even for no fault of yours. That’s life! However, If the time spent together creates beautiful memory and you can live the rest of your life in the thoughts of the time spend together, I dont believe we should hold back.

Earlier, I passionately hated smokers; considered it to be a disgusting habit. Now I just hate smoking, not the sucker at the other end of the cigarette. I just prefer that they keep their smoke out of my face.

Earlier I considered people with lesser intellectual abilities to be lowly mortals. That only enhanced my arrogant snobbish image. Now, when I have seen enough humble beings with far superior intellect, I have realized that it is not how much you know but rather how you use it. Though intelligence still remains a major "turn on" for me, I don’t despise the ones who do not special talent or abilities.

Earlier I had a low opinion about homosexuals and considered their sexual orientation as despicable. Now I think "to each their own". Everyones got one life to live. Let them live it on their terms. If he likes a he, so be it.

Earlier I believed that you should have your life planned out down to the last detail. You should have a clear idea of what you want to do in life and everything should fall in place sequentially, leading to your ultimate goal. Now, I know that to make God laugh, just tell him those plans. Things happen albeit for a reason and at time you are put on hold for much longer than you anticipated. You can only give it your best shot and hope for things to fall in place. But I still believe that my destiny is in my hands.

Earlier I believed in the importance of education and thought that you can never stop learning either in school or from personal experiences. More time you spent in academics always helped you in the long run. Now….wait a sec, I still believe that.

Haven’t you changed?