Wednesday, December 01, 2004

The blues are here!

Ever had a moment when you felt like crying your heart out for no apparent reason? An evening which finally seems to be the culmination of all things wrong, all memories bad, all thoughts sour? Where even the silliest of thoughts which you previously have passed-by with nonchalance come hounding you like ghosts on a moonless night?

One which brings back your earliest memories of death - finding a stiff little sparrow lying on the edge of the road, or holding your adorable mutt as it moves on to other realms, with tears in its eyes? Tears that are shed not because it's leaving you, but because it knows that it's taking with it a part of you, and somehow, things will never be the same again?

Memories of pain and fear.. coming home with a scratched, bleeding elbow to an angry mum who warned you *not* to play in the dark, or coming home with a terrible burden on your chest when you haven't done as well as you expected in the exams - and the only thing that makes it worse is the loud silence in the house. Where you suddenly feel betrayed - as if all the guilt and pain you're going through wasn't enough, you feel you're also being ostracized for seemingly no good reason.

One where you keep thinking about that biggest mistake in your life, for which there is no redemption. The face... bruised and disfigured beyond recognition. It haunts you and the guilt kills you inside, slowly and silently!

Crying is good for the soul they say - cleanses your heart of all evil, pain and bitterness, my mum used to tell me. Then what does one do, mum, if all one is left with, is a handful of nothing?

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