It's birthday time! Tomorrow I will be a year older. Somewhere along the line, birthdays stopped being important. Somewhere along the line, I stopped reminding people of my impending birthday. Somewhere along the line, I became old. OLD. Many years ago, balloons gave me the cheap thrills I sought. Now nothing less than hot air balloons would do the trick.
I don't recollect a better part of the past. Yes, age is catching up on me.
A few slices of the Birthday (cake?)
The Third
My cake was shaped like a castle. Exactly like the one in the book of rhymes I had. My creative addition: my favourite red car was parked right outside. From the book:
What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and Spice and everything nice
That's what little girls are made of!
The Fifth
My birthday dress was red and white. Checks. And it had apple in front. I distinctly remember thinking: Mango is a summer fruit, and apple is a winter fruit. And my birthday is in winter, hence it should be apples on my dress. Yes, logic came early to me.
My birthday cake had five dolls. Their heads were made of biscuits, and had candles stuck on them. And their brown eyes were drawn with vanilla essence.
The Sixth
I received Readers' Digest (Richard Attenborough's) "The Living Planet" as a birthday Gift from Ma and Daddy. Glossy books you would love running your fingers on, and they smelt so fresh. I was fascinated by the picture of the volcano. I promised to myself I will see a volcano, among other things, some day.
Few Years Later
My birthday cake had five dolls. Their heads were made of biscuits, and had candles stuck on them. And their brown eyes were drawn with vanilla essence.
The Sixth
I received Readers' Digest (Richard Attenborough's) "The Living Planet" as a birthday Gift from Ma and Daddy. Glossy books you would love running your fingers on, and they smelt so fresh. I was fascinated by the picture of the volcano. I promised to myself I will see a volcano, among other things, some day.
Few Years Later
I had a crush, a first. He hand-made a card. I still have it somewhere.
The Sixteenth
I felt pretty. The dress was blue and red. Bright. The big group of people had made way to just a few close friends at home. I also felt grown up, rejected the hype around birthdays. People felt irrelevant. I felt irrelevant to people. But thankfully, this feeling was superficial. Between 10 pm and midnight that day, I received 15 phone calls, from people who mattered. To whom, I mattered.
The Eighteenth
Ma donated the defining words to history: "I give you your freedom". Used in quote-unquote a million times since, I still haven't understood the drama around hitting 18. I remember feeling responsible. Feeling adult. That's the day, I think, I lost my freedom.
The Few Fun years
Characterized by Midnight Birthday surprises (which weren't surprising at all), big get-togethers, noisy celebrations. We made plans of the big life ahead, which was ironic since figuring what to wear in the morning seemed like a big decision then. I miss that.
2005
This was one birthday despite being surrounded by close friends and family, I felt alone. I remember being worried sick. Waiting for a call that never came. Agonizing about the future. About the present. About why I couldn't manipulate the past.
Last year
Hubby forgot my birthday. And I spent the whole day believing he was playing a prank and would wish me 5 minutes before midnight. At 230 am (Midnight IST), I realized that he really forgot. Will give him grief over it for ever and a day more. Hence etched it here.
Dad wrote a touching mail stating he never realized when I grew up from a small baby to an individual with a mind of my own. I chocked up after reading the mail.
The Eighteenth
Ma donated the defining words to history: "I give you your freedom". Used in quote-unquote a million times since, I still haven't understood the drama around hitting 18. I remember feeling responsible. Feeling adult. That's the day, I think, I lost my freedom.
The Few Fun years
Characterized by Midnight Birthday surprises (which weren't surprising at all), big get-togethers, noisy celebrations. We made plans of the big life ahead, which was ironic since figuring what to wear in the morning seemed like a big decision then. I miss that.
2005
This was one birthday despite being surrounded by close friends and family, I felt alone. I remember being worried sick. Waiting for a call that never came. Agonizing about the future. About the present. About why I couldn't manipulate the past.
Last year
Hubby forgot my birthday. And I spent the whole day believing he was playing a prank and would wish me 5 minutes before midnight. At 230 am (Midnight IST), I realized that he really forgot. Will give him grief over it for ever and a day more. Hence etched it here.
Dad wrote a touching mail stating he never realized when I grew up from a small baby to an individual with a mind of my own. I chocked up after reading the mail.
This year
Pretentious as it my sound, I gift myself: a real yet surreal alter-ego, my nemesis. A new blog! The urge to write is killing me. Here's to new beginnings..
